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[veek]

Personal boundaries are always drawn. No matter how tactile you are or act, there is a set of boundaries beyond which you do not let a person unless there's a more intimate connection there.

C. has talked about a book, written in the 70s, which contends that most of the problems in our society stem from the touch we don't get during a crucial "in-arms" stage of developments. At the same time as, in Ghana, babies and toddlers are constantly picked up, cuddled, carried around by their mothers, 10-year-old sisters and random strangers (no concept of harming a child, or fear of your child being harmed, seems to come into play), we put our children in strollers and cribs.

I don't know, I have to think about this a lot more, not to mention read the book itself, before I make up my mind about this; but it does ring true.

Comments

[storme]

Hmm. I was brought up in an environment where I was picked up and cuddled a lot by many people, at least until I was about 7 or so (I was a tiny child). Friends and acquaintances of my parents used to carry me around with them randomly, or just sit me on their knees. My parents were constantly told they were odd and even irresponsible for not preventing this from happening.

I seem to be more tactile than a lot of my friends, who tell me that they feel uncomfortable with close physical contact. Even so, I have to know and trust someone well before I will do more than just hug them hello and goodbye. I always thought it was just a british thing...

[veek.livejournal.com]

Heh. Not just a British thing, definitely.

You were raised by hippies! This would have proved it to me, if your name weren't already convincing enough to this effect.

[joecaloric.livejournal.com]

Rings true to me too, Veek. I don't think it is the entire answer, but it is certainly a fairly large part.

Neither my mom nor my dad like to be touched. This is interesting coming from Italian families, but there it is. I think my father's family was very focused on becoming "American" and shed a lot of its Mediterranean customs. My mother's family is only half Italian, the other half being WASP (Who don't touch AT ALL in my experience) and she certainly tends towards the WASP side.

Anyway, suffice to say that while I was cuddled to some extent as a small child, It was clearly not enough ("not enough" being one of the major problematic themes of my emotional make up). I am trying not to make the same mistake with Maria. She is all about touch, and I try to reciprocate that as much as I can.

Anyway I can totally empathize with your touch-starvation problem. I KNOW how important that is to you (even more than it is to me I think), so I can see how it would be making you crazy. Hopefully you will see people in Boston, and even more hopefully I'll be able to see you a little when you are in Michigan. In the meantime I think it is exactly right of you to remember how many people love you, and would want to hold you if only they were in proximity.

*hugs* A.J